Category Archives: brunch

The Conversation Women Are Having In Secret

Over the past few years, much of the debate about women’s lives has centered on our roles in the workplace. We have been coached to Lean In, assume the Power Pose and balance career and family in Unfinished Business. While the approaches differ, they share one essential call to action: Women must fight for greater acceptance, equality and leadership roles in our chosen careers.

With the rise of Tinder and the hook-up culture, much has also been written about how women are owning their sexuality in a similarly independent manner. But when it comes to actual romance, many women appear far more conflicted. (Yes, this is a big generalization, to say nothing of assuming hetero-normative roles. For the sake of argument, work with me here.) The truth is, we are not there yet — and many women are struggling not only with their own behavior but conflicting messages from men.

I co-founded Jyst, the crowd-sourced anonymous relationship advice app, to give women a place to open up about their lives in a supportive environment where we can share, ask, advise and help each other out without judgment when it comes to some of our most intimate concerns. One of the biggest surprises has been how many women struggle to break free of traditional roles, even self-proclaimed feminists. A few representative questions: “I’ve been dating this guy for the past four months, but he hasn’t asked me to be his girlfriend yet. Do I wait or ask him?” “Does it ever work out to ask a guy out first?” The answers are split between ‘You go, girl’ pep talks, admissions of similar insecurities, and shared experiences that men do not always react positively when women take the initiative. For women who pride themselves on being assertive in other areas of their lives, this is an uncomfortable dialog to have in broad daylight.

While issues of women’s rights in the workplace and controlling our own health must be central, it is also time to have a more open discussion about the stereotypical roles we continue to play in relationships. After all, the personal truly is political — and the political is more personal than ever. (Just ask Hillary.) The dialog must include men as well as women for we are all participants and we will all be the beneficiaries of change. Relationships are clearly in a state of flux, and if we are to come out of it in a better place, it’s time to be honest about our desires, confusion and vulnerabilities. As with all matters of the heart, that may just be the hardest thing of all.

Advertisements

How to Deal with Your Ex During the Holidays

You caught your partner texted with his ex. Should you be worried??? You can’t stop thinking about your ex. Should you give it one last shot? The ex you thought was out of your life just reap…

Source: How to Deal with Your Ex During the Holidays

Forgive, Forget or Flame Out?

They cheated.Or maybe they cheated. They want forgiveness. They want you to trust them again. Should you forgive, forget or flame out? As the great Beyoncé asks, “What’s worse, looking crazy or jea…

Source: Forgive, Forget or Flame Out?

The Upside of App Anonymity

News headlines are justifiably concerned with the risks that anonymity can present, from very real physical danger to the snarkiness and bullying that some apps devolve into as people use avatars to cloak their worst behavior. At its best, though, anonymity and crowdsourcing can allow people to share problems they might not otherwise feel open to discussing, especially when it comes to personal relationships, and realize they are not alone. With such rapid changes in both how we communicate, we all have more questions that ever. Crowdsourcing can be especially useful in situations where friends might tell you what they think you want to hear rather than offer objective advice.When we launched Jyst, we were well aware of the dangers of both anonymity and crowdsourcing and put safety measures in place. As the community grows every day though, what has been most gratifying to see is the empathy and supportive nature of the conversations bubbling up. Is this because Jyst is a safe zone created by women for women to share relationship dilemmas? Are women, given the right environment, inherently more supportive of each other? It’s hard to tell, in part because there are still so few apps that grew out of uniquely female behavior. Admittedly, there are generalizations inherent to this argument, but if Jyst is an example, the answer appears to be yes. There has been an overwhelming display of empathy and kindness, a lack of judginess and absence of put-downs, proving that anonymity does not have to lead to animus; that personal questions do not have to lead to put-downs.The Jyst: The power of technology to unite and empower, to prove that no matter how far apart, we do not have to feel alone, is the best of both anonymity and crowdsourcing. We look forward to seeing more of it.

Source: The Upside of App Anonymity

The CitiBike Diaries

Citibike Diaries: Part 1: The People Who Love/Hate People Version

Time from gym to work: 15 minutes

Time spent developing road rage against pedestrians crossing in middle of the street while walking/talking/eating: 4 minutes

Time spent looking for open dock: 5 minutes.

Time spent talking to cute guy also trying to dock bike: Not long enough.

****

Citibike Diaries Part 2: Calories Burned: The New Math

Bad News: Biking slowly (hard to go fast in Manhattan with cars/pedestrians/trucks coming at you like pinballs) does not burn a lot of calories.

Good News: Cars/pedestrians/trucks coming at you like pinballs causes fast spike in heart rate and blood pressure, thus turning leisurely ride into intense cardio interval.

That’s my theory and I’m sticking with it!

*****

CitiBaked Diaries Part 3: The Hot and Bothered Edition

# of docks it took to find a bike last night: 3

# of docks it took to find open slot to dock: 3

# of unjustified over-charges on credit card: $187.27

# of responses to my complaint: 0
The love affair isn’t over but we might need couples counseling.

*****

Citibike Diaries: Part 4: The Summer Friday Edition*

(Note: This post has not been approved by medical authorities)

The Plan: No biking today. Drinks with friends on roof at Eataly.

The Reality: Drinks with friends on roof at Eataly. Row of tempting bikes a block away on way out. Couldn’t resist. Flip-flops, dress, rosé, no helmet- and yet….hey guys, it was just a few blocks. And it made me happy.

*****

Image

Aside

I am thrilled for any number of reasons that Yahoo hired Marissa Mayer, chief among them that women are finally beginning to break the glass ceiling in tech and that pregnant women are being seen as serious contenders. But in … Continue reading

College Application Essays: The Zelda Fitzgerald Edition

USA Today did a great piece on 5 top college essay blunders.  I’m going to add some of my own: One mistake I see kids making is trying to cram everything they know/want/think into one essay.  An entire life experience – whether you an octogenarian or  a teen – can’t really be fit into 250-500 words.  An essay is not a résumé, after all.   Rather, one thought, one quirk, one person or book who moved  you in a unique way gives you a better opportunity to explore – and explain – your thinking.  Zelda Fitgerald once wrote that what she missed most about her father after he died was the particular way he tented his fingers when he spoke.  That single detail brought all of her emotions – loss, love, the power of memory – to light.  What is the one detail or anecdote that can become the focal point for your essay?  It is worth taking the time to think about that before you write.  For more tips, go to The College Essay Expert.